Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Snow, snow and more snow

Song Stuck on the Brain: All By Myself by Celine Dion

Kind of a fitting song, since I keep getting snowed in. The KC metro area hasn't seen this much snow in YEARS. I know, most of you northeners are suffering more, so I'll try not to whine tooo much. But doggone it, we're facing our 5th snow storm in two weeks and the city isn't keeping up with our dead end street. It takes two days to get plowed and sanded, and then it dumps more snow. I want to trade in my Intrepid for a 4 wheel drive Jeep. Never thought I'd need one of those in the city.

A friend emailed me this today, and I have to say... I identify.


December 8 - 6:00 PM

It started to snow. The first snow of the
season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours
by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down
from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses
Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love

December 9

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white
snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a
fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the
whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've
ever had!

Shovelled for the first time in years and felt like
a boy again. I did both our driveway and the
sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplough came along and covered up
the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to
shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow..
Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to
worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on
Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so
much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow
again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is
such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14

Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last
night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes
everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but
I warmed up by shovelling the driveway and sidewalks. This
is the life! The snowplough came back this afternoon
and buried everything again. I didn't realize I
would have to do quite this much shovelling, but I'll certainly
get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and
puff so.

December 15

20 inches forecast. Sold my van and
bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's
car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife
wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.

December 16

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on
the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like
all get out. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17

Still way below freezing. Roads are too
icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5
hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do
but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I
should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to
her. I hate it when she's right. I can't believe
I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20

Electricity's back on, but had another 14
inches of the darn stuff last night. More
shovelling! Took all day. The dang snowplough came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbour kid to shovel, but they said they're
too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only
hardware store around to see about buying a snow
blower and they're out. Might have another shipment
in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city
will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying..

December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because
13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold, it
probably won't melt till August. Took me
45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to
pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again,
I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has
a plough on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says
he's too busy. I think the butthead is lying.

December 23

Only 2 inches of snow today. And it
warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of
the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why
didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did,
but I think she's lying.

December 24

6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplough, I
broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart
attack. If I ever catch the jerk who drives that snow
plough, I'll drag him through the snow by his feet and
beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides
around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and
then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and
throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the
wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our
presents, but I was too busy watching for the snowplough.

December 25

Merry fricking Christmas! 20 more inches
of the slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of
shovelling makes my blood boil. MAN, I hate the snow! Then
the snowplough driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him
over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a
bad attitude. I think she's a fricking
idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more
time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26

Still snowed in. Why in the world did I ever
move here? It was all HER idea. She's
really getting on my nerves.

December 27

Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes
froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he
only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28

Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed
in. My WIFE is driving me crazy!!!

December 29

10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel
the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest
thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30

Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plough
driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only
the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the
broken snow shovel up his BUTT. The wife went home to
her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

December 31

I set fire to what's left of the
house. No more shovelling.

January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little
white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the

LOL! That's exactly how it feels right now. Every other day their claiming 2-6". Doesn't sound too bad until it all piles on top of the rest. Our high for Thursday is 0. That's the HIGH!

So ready for spring.

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