Answers from Heaven

Song Stuck on the Brain: Dare You to Move by Switchfoot


I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas with your family and friends. I did, in fact I think this was the best Christmas I've had in a long time. No stress, no family drama. Just fun, fellowship and family.

This was our third Christmas without Dad, and although we still think of him often and miss him, our joy in his being at peace makes it easier to deal with those moments when we miss him most.

As a reminder of that, I felt lead to write down an experience I had shortly after Dad died and submit it to a local, church published magazine that shares those testimonies with people all over the world. After emailing it to the editor, I felt like I should share it here as well for any who need a reminder that Jesus is alive today, He loves us, and still actively moves in our lives.

“It’s cancer.” Dad sits upright in the hospital bed, his yellow skin an odd contrast to the white sheets. Jaundice is just one of the many physical signs that his body is broken.

My sisters, Judy and Angel, and I surround the end of his bed and listen while Mom and Dad repeat the doctor’s news. There’s a tumor in the duct between his liver and gallbladder, hidden from all scans until now. After several years of unexplained illness and numerous tests, they found the answer, only it’s too late to do anything. The doctors don't think he has long to live.

As I hear the news that in all rights should have devastated me, instead I feel a deep calm and the words run through my mind, “Everything is going to be okay.” And I knew they were true. We would pray and hope for a healing, but if in the end God called Dad home, it would still be okay. God would take care of us.

One month to the day after hearing the news, our family found ourselves gathered around Dad’s hospice bed. He had quickly slipped from conversation just a few hours earlier to being unable to speak. We each said goodnight, kissed his whiskered cheek and told him how much we loved him. Then, before going to our own home, my sisters and I joined Mom in prayer. Each asking for God’s blessing on Dad that night and giving him over to the arms of Jesus; if it was Dad’s time to go, no one wanted to hold him back from joining his Savior.

Angel and I went home and within a few hours received a call from Mom. Dad had gone peacefully in his sleep. We grieved and we rejoiced. Dad’s greatest desire was to be a part of Zion , to see the evil of this world put away so we could all share together in the loving presence of Jesus. Now he was where he could be happiest, he was no longer ill and could once again take up his ministry from the other side.

We all had many testimonies that came with Dad’s passing, more than I have room to share here, but one in particular stands above the rest for me. About a month after Dad died, on a Saturday afternoon, I went to take a nap. I dreamed that I was sitting in my living room and Dad was sitting across from me. He looked good, much as I remembered him when I was younger, his full beard and hair were red once again. He was dressed in his usual style, plaid dress shirt and suspenders with slacks.

I looked at him with surprise, “Dad?” Excitement flooded through me. “Are you happy?”
“Yes,” Dad assured me.
“What’s it like, can you tell me all about it?”
“No, but you’re going to love it when you get here.” Dad smiled.
“Will we see you again?” I wondered in my heart if this would be the only time for me to see him.
“Yes.” I knew in my heart that Dad’s assurance was true.

I awoke shortly after and was so excited I immediately went to find Angel and tell her. I described our conversation.
“It’s odd that my first question was if he was happy.” I mused. “Of course he’s happy. He’s with Jesus, why wouldn’t he be?”

Angel agreed. In fact, for weeks we had talked about how Dad would finally be able to see the libraries of heaven and learn about all the things that he was so curious about. That was Dad, always curious, always looking for answers and knowledge about everything.

The following day, we joined Mom and the rest of the family at her house for Sunday lunch. Afterward, I told Mom about my dream. She was quiet for a while, and then shared what had happened the night before. Saturday night, she was feeling lonely and sad, really missing Dad. She spent some time reading her scriptures, and before going to sleep, she told God, “If I could just know he was happy, that would help.”

I was amazed and excited. That explained my first question. It wasn’t for me, it was for Mom. God sent her answer on Saturday afternoon, hours before she prayed and asked her question. It was a comfort to all of us and I was reminded once again, that everything is going to be okay. God is truly amazing in His love for his children.

(I was not paid to have this published, it's strictly for ministry.)

Checking in... one last time

I'm sure many of you have probably seen this email go around. I've seen it before too. It always makes me a little misty eyed, reminding me to see Jesus as more than just someone to dump all my concerns and problems on. He's a friend too and deserves more than whining.

Today when I read it, I really cried. Since my Dad passed in mid-October, it has a deeper meaning for me. Dad remembered that Jesus was a friend as well as our Savior and I have no doubt that Jesus held his hand through it all. He held all our hands and helped us through. In fact Jesus allowed me a special blessing in the hours after Dad passed away. In the early morning hours, we all took a much needed rest before getting up in a couple of hours to begin all the phone calls and arrangements. Emotional and sad, I went to bed and poured my heart out to God, and thanked Him that Dad hadn't suffered. But I missed my Dad. As I was falling asleep, I felt my Dad's hand holding mine. It was a last goodbye and moment of comfort, a gift that God allowed so Dad could check in one last time.

I hope this blesses you in some way too.

A minister passing through his church
in the middle of the day,
decided to pause by the altar
and see who had come to pray.

Just then the back door opened,
a man came down the aisle.
The minister frowned as he saw
the man hadn't shaved in quite a while.

His shirt was kinda shabby
and his coat was worn and frayed.
The man knelt, he bowed his head,
then rose and walked away.

In the days that followed,
each noon time came this chap.
Each time he knelt just for a moment,
a lunch pail in his lap..

Well, the minister's suspicions grew,
with robbery a main fear.
He decided to stop the man and ask him,
'What are you doing here?'

The old man said, he worked down the road.
Lunch was half an hour.
Lunchtime was his prayer time,
for finding strength and power.

'I stay only moments, see,
because the factory is so far away;
as I kneel here talking to the Lord,
this is kinda what I say:

'I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, LORD,
HOW HAPPY I'VE BEEN, SINCE WE FOUND EACH OTHERS FRIENDSHIP
AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY SIN. DON'T KNOW MUCH OF HOW TO PRAY,
BUT I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY.
SO, JESUS, THIS IS JIM CHECKING IN TODAY.'

The minister feeling foolish,
told Jim, that was fine.
He told the man he was welcome
to come and pray just anytime

Time to go, Jim smiled, said 'Thanks.'
He hurried to the door.
The minister knelt at the altar,
he'd never done it before.

His cold heart melted, warmed with love,
and met with Jesus there.
As the tears flowed, in his heart,
he repeated old Jim's prayer:

'I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, LORD,
HOW HAPPY I'VE BEEN, SINCE WE FOUND EACH OTHERS FRIENDSHIP
AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY SIN. I DON'T KNOW MUCH OF HOW TO PRAY,
BUT I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY.
SO, JESUS, THIS IS ME CHECKING IN TODAY.'

Past noon one day, the minister noticed
that old Jim hadn't come.
As more days passed without Jim,
he began to worry some.

At the factory, he asked about him,
learning he was ill.

The hospital staff was worried,
But he'd given them a thrill.
The week that Jim was with them,
Brought changes in the ward.
His smiles, a joy contagious.
Changed people, were his reward.

The head nurse couldn't understand why Jim was so glad,
when no flowers, calls or cards came, Not a visitor he had.

The minister stayed by his bed,
He voiced the nurse's concern:
No friends came to show they cared..
He had nowhere to turn.

Looking surprised, old Jim spoke
up and with a winsome smile;
'the nurse is wrong, she couldn't know,
that He's in here all the while

Everyday at noon He's here,
a dear friend of mine, you see,
He sits right down, takes my hand,
Leans over and says to me:

'I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, JIM, HOW HAPPY I HAVE BEEN,
SINCE WE FOUND THIS FRIENDSHIP, AND I TOOK AWAY YOUR SIN.
ALWAYS LOVE TO HEAR YOU PRAY,
I THINK ABOUT YOU EACH DAY, AND SO JIM, THIS IS JESUS CHECKING IN
TODAY.'

A.

Snow, snow and more snow

Song Stuck on the Brain: All By Myself by Celine Dion

Kind of a fitting song, since I keep getting snowed in. The KC metro area hasn't seen this much snow in YEARS. I know, most of you northeners are suffering more, so I'll try not to whine tooo much. But doggone it, we're facing our 5th snow storm in two weeks and the city isn't keeping up with our dead end street. It takes two days to get plowed and sanded, and then it dumps more snow. I want to trade in my Intrepid for a 4 wheel drive Jeep. Never thought I'd need one of those in the city.

A friend emailed me this today, and I have to say... I identify.

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER

December 8 - 6:00 PM

It started to snow. The first snow of the
season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours
by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down
from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses
Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love
snow!

December 9

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white
snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a
fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the
whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've
ever had!

Shovelled for the first time in years and felt like
a boy again. I did both our driveway and the
sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplough came along and covered up
the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to
shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow..
Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to
worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on
Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so
much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow
again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is
such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14

Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last
night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes
everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but
I warmed up by shovelling the driveway and sidewalks. This
is the life! The snowplough came back this afternoon
and buried everything again. I didn't realize I
would have to do quite this much shovelling, but I'll certainly
get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and
puff so.

December 15

20 inches forecast. Sold my van and
bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's
car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife
wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.

December 16

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on
the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like
all get out. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17

Still way below freezing. Roads are too
icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5
hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do
but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I
should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to
her. I hate it when she's right. I can't believe
I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20

Electricity's back on, but had another 14
inches of the darn stuff last night. More
shovelling! Took all day. The dang snowplough came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbour kid to shovel, but they said they're
too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only
hardware store around to see about buying a snow
blower and they're out. Might have another shipment
in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city
will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying..

December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because
13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold, it
probably won't melt till August. Took me
45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to
pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again,
I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has
a plough on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says
he's too busy. I think the butthead is lying.

December 23

Only 2 inches of snow today. And it
warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of
the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why
didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did,
but I think she's lying.

December 24

6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplough, I
broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart
attack. If I ever catch the jerk who drives that snow
plough, I'll drag him through the snow by his feet and
beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides
around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and
then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and
throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the
wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our
presents, but I was too busy watching for the snowplough.

December 25

Merry fricking Christmas! 20 more inches
of the slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of
shovelling makes my blood boil. MAN, I hate the snow! Then
the snowplough driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him
over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a
bad attitude. I think she's a fricking
idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more
time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26

Still snowed in. Why in the world did I ever
move here? It was all HER idea. She's
really getting on my nerves.

December 27

Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes
froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he
only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.


December 28

Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed
in. My WIFE is driving me crazy!!!


December 29

10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel
the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest
thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30

Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plough
driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only
the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the
broken snow shovel up his BUTT. The wife went home to
her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

December 31

I set fire to what's left of the
house. No more shovelling.

January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little
white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the
bed?



LOL! That's exactly how it feels right now. Every other day their claiming 2-6". Doesn't sound too bad until it all piles on top of the rest. Our high for Thursday is 0. That's the HIGH!

So ready for spring.
A.

Turkey Day Countdown

Song Stuck on the Brain: Light On by David Cook


Anyone here a Twilight fan? I just finished book 1 and I've started New Moon. LOVED Twilight and tonight a bunch of us girls are headed to see the movie. Very excited about that. I hope it does the book justice.

If you've seen the movie or read the books, let me know what you think, I'd love to discuss it.

The movie feels like a good way to kick off the holiday week. Wednesday evening will be packed with food prep and housework, but Thursday should be fun. Our family has been planning this menu for a month now, and despite all my recipe ideas, I think I'm the only one trying a new recipe. A friend from high school gave me his family's recipe for pumpernickel cornbread dressing. It looks great and I hear it's divine.

In addition to the dressing, I'm cooking the turkey, gravy and sauteed Brussels Sprouts. As a kid I would have died at the idea of Brussels for lunch, but now they're a favorite. Go figure.

Most people probably have standards they cook every year, but other than turkey, dressing and potatoes, we like to mix it up. Any one else have new recipes (or old favorites) they're cooking for Turkey day? Feel free to share them, I'd love to see how everyone else celebrates.

A.

The Squishy Love Language

Song Stuck on the Brain: Forever in Blue Jeans by Jason Castro (from A.I.)

Have any of you ever read the 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman? It's a FANTASTIC book. I highly recommend it - for all your relationships.

The basic concept is that each person has a main love language, one that speaks to them more clearly than any other. It could be Physical Touch (not specifically sexual), Deeds of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, or Gifts.

Recently, I've been trying to identify my nieces and nephews love languages. They're getting older now, and I think speaking their language will be important in keeping our family connections strong.

I'm pretty sure I have them all pegged, but last night, 6 yr old Emily proved me right in a big way.

Emily's love language is physical touch. If she's near you, she's hugging you, leaning against you, holding your hand, etc. She must be in physical contact to feel loved. I know she gets plenty of this from her mama, and Nana and Papa and the rest of us, too. But last night she cracked me up. I was at Mom and Dad's for a family study class. We had just ended and Emily came and stood in front of me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me. Laying against the front of me she sighed, "I love you."

"I love you to, Sweetie." I rub her back and hold her while the rest of us continue to talk.
"You give the best hugs." Emily says smiling at me and squeezing again.
"Is it because I'm nice and squishy?" I tease.
"Mmm-Hmm."
Silence for a few minutes as she continues to hug me.
"I wish you were my mom." She mumbles into my shirt.
Surprised, I reply, "No you don't. You have a great Momma. I make a better aunt."
"Yeah, but your squishier than mom. You feel good and you always smell good too." She snuggled in again and I couldn't help it. I laughed.

It's nice to know I'm good for something. :)

A.

What the Girls said

I know I've talked about my niece Allie (Alexis) before. She's the younges of "my" three and probably the most like me in personality. She's also the biggest High School Musical fan of all the nieces. She's very smitten with Zac Efron, and seriously, who could blame her? After seeing HSM3 (twice) I have to admit, he's maturing quite nicely. :)

Anyway, I've mentioned before how Allie is very possessive of Zac. Sunday afternoon she was hanging out with me and the rest of my family in the living room. We were discussing what they should get me for my birthday.

"There's only one thing I want for my birthday." I said as Allie wraps her arm around my neck and leans against me.

"A man." My oldest sister Judy replies, flipping through a catalog.

"Not just any man, though." I look at Angel. "I need a Clark Kent."

Angel's laughing and says "Tom Welling" at the same time.

Allie looks at me and says, "But you don't need Zac Efron!"

Everyone lost it. She has such a quick tongue. :)

Her sister Chloe can be quick with the comments too. I took her to see my old highschool's production of the Music Man. While we were waiting for it to begin, she commented on a cute boy (total goth/rock. I shudder at the fact she likes the bad boy.) When I pointed out a cute boy she said, "Nah, he's a 0-5. That boy (goth boy) is a 10 though! A few moments later she points to a chubby, freckled, curly head 10 year old and said, "he's a zero."

"That's not nice, Chloe." I scold her with the 'mom' look. "Everyone is attractive in their own way. You just have to look for it. You don't think I'm a zero do you?"

"NO. You're second only to my mom." Chloe insists passionately. "She's a two million. You're a ... a... One million, one hundred and... ninety-nine thousand um, ninety-nine? Yeah!"

She's sweet, not the best at math, but sweet nonetheless. Considering her mom is a svelte blonde with blue eyes and I'm the exact opposite. But good to know I'm loved. Now I've just got to be a better example to her in pointing out everyone's positives.

Kids, the things they say sometimes - but I love 'em anyway.

A.

What's new

Song Stuck on the Brain: The Lion Sleeps Tonight

I've been so lax in posting my thought lately, but trust me, you haven't missed much. :) Mostly because I've been busy and fighting off a nasty head cold, so the only thing in my brain right now is cotton.

Let's see, so what have I been up to? I've started research on my next book, a suspense set in the jungles of Mexico. I have several interviews to line up for this, as well as a lot of material to read. There's a lot of archaeological info needed, but I've got a strong start. I'm excited about this one though, I really hope it turns out on paper as well as I see it in my head.

I've also started watching Paul McKenna's I Can Make You Thin on TLC. It's been life changing. I can't believe something that makes so much sense, that's so practical and simple, is making such a huge difference where nothing else has. I'm very excited. If you have a chance to check him out, do.

On a lighter note, we had family lunch at my parent's house Sunday. This is a weekly occurrence and there are so many of us, we can't all sit around the table, so usually, Dad and I sit at the table with all the kids and the other adults sit in the living room with TV trays. This arrangement can lead to some really interesting conversations and echoes. I'll start telling Dad a story and Mom can't hear it all so she asks Angel what I'm talking about and suddenly there's an echo conversation in the living room. Sitting at a table full of kids can elicit some unusual stories too. Allie had one this time.

"April, did you know my mom got a new job at the mall?" Allie is sitting next to me poking at her lunch. She's squeezed into a booster seat that's too little for her, but she insists that she loves her seat and she can't sit without it.

"I did. She's cutting hair at a new salon, right?"

"Yep. And she's making really good money too!" She's very emphatic and animated. "She makes like $30 -$40 a day! That's a lot."

"That is good." Dad and I smile at each other.

"Yeah. But she says she has to spend it all on gas though, the kind you put in your car - not the kind you fart." She never wavers in her story as she plows on past this little nugget.

Dad and I lose it. We're trying not to laugh, but we can't help it. Allie doesn't realize for a minute that she's even said anything funny. When she does she blushes a little and laughs too.

Priceless.
A.

Happy Birthday, Allie-gator

Song Stuck on the Brain: I Belive that Children are Our Future by Whitney Houston

Today is Allie-gator's 9th birthday. I can't believe the baby is growing up so fast. She's the youngest of the 3 I've helped to care for. Dad commented today that in three years he and Mom probably won't be babysitting anymore.

I asked, "How come?"

"Because they'll be 12, 14, and 16. They won't need babysitters."

I feel old. Really old. Then I remembered that Mom and Dad will be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary in 4 years. And I felt even older.

At this point, I'm ready to go home and try to roll back a few years.

A.

Power Windows

Song Stuck on the Brain: Benny and the Jets by Elton John

I went to see 27 Dresses with Angel and Lindz for Lindz' Bday. (Happy Birthday, Girlfriend) Great movie, and the Benny and the Jets reference will make total sense once you see the movie.

I haven't talked much about my dad before, but a friend sent me a video that was so 'Dad' that I just had to share it.

Dad has been nicknamed Inspector Gadget. He loves things that fit in your pocket. Knives, flashlights, pens, magnifiers, retractable magnets, tools.... etc. At church, everyone knows that if you need something, check with my dad. Chances are he has at least one in his pocket. If it's a knife you need, he has seven. He was even accused of having an inflatable life raft, but that's totally not true. They don't make those pocket size yet. He does however have a filter straw that allows you to bend over and drink straight from a lake. Angel got him that for Christmas. He loves it.

Dad's a great fixer too. He likes to MacGyver things (oh, that's his hero by the way.) He's a survivalist and a packrat at heart and has a use for everything. Someday he'll use those 3,000 plastic newspaper bags he's saved, and he'll probably save all our lives at the same time. So when I saw this video, it was just too perfect. I'm surprised Dad hasn't tried this yet for himself.

A.

 

Things I Heard This Weekend

Song Stuck on the Brain: Sounds of Silence by Simon & Garfunkle

Saturday had an unusual start to it. I was getting ready to get into the shower, when my doorbell rang. I decided to ignore it, the water was running and I was seconds from stepping into the spray.

Ding Dong. It rang a second time.

Hmm, could be a family member with a key, and I don't want them coming in on me while I'm in the shower. I decide to peak out the window to see who's car is in the driveway, but there are no cars to be seen.

Ding Dong.

It must be a salesman.

Ding Dong, Ding Dong.

Or maybe a Jehovah's Witness.

Ding Dong.

They'll go away eventually.

Ding Dong, Ding Dong.

Crap. They're not going away. I run throw on my lounge pants and t-shirt and try to smash my hair down before answering the door. Opening it 8 inches, I peak around the edge. There stands the guy that shovels my snow on occasion. I only know him as Andrew and there is no snow in sight.

"Hi, I was wondering if you'd like me to rake your leaves."

Umm, you rang my doorbell ten times for this? "Sorry, I don't have the money right now."

After discussing this for a moment, he thanks me and starts to leave. As he's stepping off the porch, he turns and says, "Are you single?"

Brain. Stops. Functioning. Does not compute. I'm never prepared for this question. It happens so infrequently that it shocks me and the truth pops out before I even have a chance to think about fibbing.

"Yeah." I respond, brain spinning.

"Can I get your number?"

"Umm, I'm sorry, I uh, I'm not really into seeing anyone right now, but um, Thank you."

"Oh. Okay." He mumbles and leaves.

I close the door lock it. I look at Jack and whisper, "He hits on me today?!?"

Jack just cocked his head and gave me a look that says, "Beats me."

I mean honestly. No makeup, hair a fright and sloppy clothes. The only time he's seen me like this and he chooses today to ask for my number? Not that I would have given it to him anyway. I mean, I refuse to date the guy that asked permission to pee on the side of my house.

Later, I took the nieces to see The Waterhorse. Great movie, by the way. All the kids loved it. Anyway, we were standing in line at the concession stand when the 8 yr-old, Allie, said this:

"Hey, I accidentally called you Mom." She laughs.

"You did?" I missed this due to the commotion from the other two.

"Yeah. Can I call you Mom today?"

"Why would you want to call me Mom? You already have a mom."

"Just for fun, for pretend."

Her sister pipes in, "Yeah, so we can fit in while we're here. We'll pretend."

"I don't care, you can call me whatever you want." I'm corralling them forward in line.

"Okay, Mom." Allie grins. "Or how about Grandma?"

Evil child. "No. You can't call me Grandma, call me anything else, but not Grandma!"

She laughs hysterically. She didn't call me Mom anymore either.


Fast forward to Sunday afternoon. She's at my house helping me empty the dishwasher.

"Don't you get lonely?" Allie asks, dropping silverware into the drawer.

"Sometimes, but most of the time I'm fine."

"I can't believe you don't have any kids. Don't you want kids?"

"Sure, I just haven't had that opportunity yet. Besides, I've got you guys."

"Yeah, but that's not the same. You should have kids."

She hands me a glass to put in the cabinet.

"I'd be nice to them ... unless their evil or something."

I couldn't help it. I laughed. "They wouldn't be evil."

At least, no more so than the rest of them. Leave it to an 8 year old to find all the soft spots and poke at them. She can be so ornery at times, but she's also the most affectionate, and smart as a whip. Her one liners and comebacks are sharp as a tack and she always makes me laugh.

I have a picture of Clive Owen on my computer desktop at home. She saw the picture and said. "He's ugly."

"No he's not." I reply chuckling.

"Well, he's not cute." She says, face all screwed up.

"Yes, he is, he's just old to you."

"Yeah," face still screwed up. "I guess that could be it."

I guess he's no Zac Efron. She told me last weekend, "Ashley Tysdale likes Corbin Bleu."

Thank goodness I've seen High School Musical, so I know who she's talking about.

"But Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron broke up." She puts her claws up and hisses like a cat.

"HEEEE. That Vanessa, she stole my man."

Oh, help us all, she's only 8 and she had her 'man' stolen.

I'll give her this, Zac is a cutie.

A.

The Countdown has begun

Song Stuck on the Brain: Are You Lonesome Tonight by Elvis

I'm not lonesome, just singing about it. Actually, I could stand to have a little more lonesome. I'm back to full time at work and I miss my afternoons for writing. I can't really whine too much though, having a job to come back to is a blessing.

I can't believe it's only three days until Thanksgiving. I'll be hosting it at my place again and there will be about 14 of us. We planned our menu two weeks ago and divided the dishes up between my mom and us 3 girls. My oldest sister isn't much a of a cook, so she's bringing drinks, whipped cream and paper goods. Mom is the pie baker, so she's handling that and the mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce. We never know what kind of pie we'll have other than pumpkin, because it's just whatever sounds good to Mom at the time. Not that anyone complains. Angel's handling the sides and I have the turkey and dressing.

The problem we're having now, is that Mom, Angel and I keep watching the food network. Paula Dean, Emeril, Giada, etc. They all have great new recipes and we keep switching out things for the new recipes. I have no idea what we'll actually end up with when it's all said and done. Hopefully, our menu is set, because I've already been to the grocery store. It was a nightmare and I don't want to go back any time soon. If I do, I think I'll wait until midnight and hope there's less traffic.

For now it looks like our final menu is:

Roast turkey
Portobello and sausage dressing (my own recipe)
Mashed potatoes and turkey gravy
Paula Dean's Fresh creamed corn
Roasted Brussell sprouts
Green beans almondine
Cranberry sauce
Homemade pies w/whipped cream
Grandma's raw apple cake

The apple cake is actually for my birthday. Yes, I'm actually making my own cake. That's okay though, I enjoy baking. I think that's everything, heaven forbid we add another item, we're going to be overloaded with leftovers as it is. We always buy those snap together plates so everyone can take leftovers with them, that helps.

Now I just have to clean house, edit my book, do laundry, cook... . Nothing to it, right?

A.

A God Thing

Song Stuck on the Brain: She's in Love with the Boy by Tricia Yearwood.

Well, here it is 1:30 am on Friday and I'm just now posting for Thursday. I'd planned to post earlier, but got tangled up in writing the last four chapters of my book. Yay! I have a first draft. It came in a little over 77,500, but once I do some editing it will probably drop a little. I still hope to have this baby in the mail to the agent before Thanksgiving. We'll see if that happens. It's only a week away and I'm out of half days at work. It's back to a full time schedule.

I did have a really cool God thing happen Tuesday at the doctor's office. It actually started a few days earlier. I'd started having a little pity party for myself over my scar.

Let me say first, that I am VERY thankful for everything. My doctors are fantastic, I couldn't have asked for better. My nurses were great, my friends and family were there every step of the way and more people than I could name prayed for me. I know I was tremendously blessed. I'm thankful that the tumor is gone, and that I am now healing very quickly. In fact, I've been very upbeat through out this whole thing.

Until a couple of days ago.

I can actually see my scar now that the wound vac is gone. I change the dressings myself and let me tell you, right now it's absolutely hideous. Because of the complications and the nature of wound healing, the incision healed asymmetrically. One side of it sealed down and the other side of my abdomen (standing straight up) is now scarring over. My belly button is there, but it's been pulled around and under so that it's hard to see. I have a very visible gash.

I knew the scar would be big, and I already had a longer scar on my stomach from kidney surgery when I was 8, so I really hadn't cared that I would have a new, wider scar. I didn't expect it to looks so deformed. I told God that I was really thankful for everything, but why did I have to have such an ugly scar? I mean, I don't need anything else to make me feel more unattractive and freakish.

Hence my pity party, because really, it was ridiculous to be so upset over it. I could have worse scars in much worse places. It was just something that I got stuck in my head.

Anyway, at the doctor's Tuesday, he changed the dressing and we chatted, but I never mentioned my concern over the scar. As I was leaving, one of the nurses stopped me to see how I was healing. As I was getting ready to leave, she said, "And just think, in another week or two it will lay down and smooth out."

My jaw dropped a little and I laughed and said, "Well, that's nice to hear, I was beginning to think I was just going to be deformed for life."

"Oh, no. After a certain point in the healing, it softens and lays down flat. It won't always look like it does now."

Now, how cool is that? God knew I was upset about this petty little thing and even though it was a silly concern in the big picture of it all, He still took care of me. He gave me reassurance from someone who didn't even know I needed it. It's little things like that, that always remind me how much God is a present God. He doesn't just sit back at a distance and watch us float aimlessly. He's right there with us every step of the way, caring about even the little concerns.

That's what I call a God thing.
A.

By the way, I mentioned once before I'd post a picture of the tumor. It's not pretty, so I'm posting it as a link. Click to see Mini Me. Just for reference, the black arrow is pointing to my ovary. It's about the size of a walnut. The tumor itself is about the diameter of a basketball.

Ban House Slippers

Song Stuck on the Brain: I can do anything you can do, better. I can do anything better than you....


YAY! I'm a free woman once again. Well, kind of. The Doc took me off of the wound vac today, so no more machine and umbilical cord to tote around. I do have bandages still, but much less obvious and way more comfortable. PLUS, now I get to drive again. WAHOO!

It's not like I was stranded, my parents and sister were very good about getting me around for the last 5 weeks, but it feels SOOOO good to be able to drive my car again. I love that sense of freedom. The ability to go somewhere whenever I feel like it and not have to tell a soul. Even if I don't, at least I CAN.

I'm noticing a really disturbin trend at the doctor's lately. Maybe it's just because I'm going to clinic at the hospital rather than a private office, but what is it with women going to the doctor's office looking like they just rolled out of bed? Not just young girls either. One lady was forty if she was a day. I saw three women today alone wearing fluffy house slippers. In addition they were wearing either plaid pajama pants or sweats and a STAINED and HOLY shirt. Hair greasy and pulled back in messy pony tails and no makeup.

I know I'm at a gynecologist's office, so some are pregnant. I understand the value of comfort. But come on. At least get dressed and brush your hair. It's not like we're stuck in the '50's where you're required to wear a dress, pantyhose, gloves and hat to go get your exam. But at least wear clean street clothes, regular shoes and BRUSH your hair. I mean really. Respect yourself that much. And if you can't do it for you, do it for your doctor. Doesn't he deserve that much? He dresses and bathes for you.

Okay, off my soapbox now. I had to rant. I couldn't very well say all that in the waiting room today.

A.

Childhood Ditties

Song Stuck on the Brain: Comet, it gets your bathroom clean, Comet, it tastes like Listerine, Comet it makes you vomit, so get some Comet, and vomit today....

Does anyone else remember this song from grade school? I have Rusty to thank for teaching it to me in the 5th grade. It wasn't the worst one I learned, but for some reason, it is the one that has stuck around the longest.

I've had this song running around in my head off and on for about a week now. While our family was together Sunday afternoon for lunch, I brought it up and it got us to all talking about the naughty little ditties we learned as kids. Most of us could remember pieces of them, but not the whole song.

There were the usual's, like "All the girls in France don't wear any underpants...", "Jingle Bells, Batman Smells, Robin laid an egg...", etc. Out of curiosity, I googled some of these lyrics and stumbled across several sites that hosted threads where people trades these songs back and forth. Let me tell ya, the naughty ditties I learned were practically pristine compared to some of those. Sheesh. Anyway, I found a few that I recognized and had forgotten, like Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts, On Top of Spaghetti and the revamped Barney song. Then there were the remakes of Popeye the Sailor man. There were many versions and I'd only heard two.

I'm Popeye the sailor man
I live in a garbage can
I eat all the worms
And suck out the germs
I'm Popeye the sailor man.

I'm Popeye the sailor man
I live in a frying pan
I turned on the Gas
And burned off my A**
I'm Popeye the Sailor man.

The other versions made me blush. I did find a new ditty though that made me smile. In fact I can't wait to sing it for Dad, because I know he'll like it. It's to the tune of God Bless America.

God bless my underwear
my only pair
stand beside it,
and guide it
through the holes and the rips and the tears.
From the washer,
to the dryer,
to the clothesline,
wild and free,
God bless my underwear,
my only pair.

Which ones do you remember?
A.

Writing through the fear

Song Stuck on the Brain: What Goes Around Comes Around by Justin Timberlake

Yay, it's finally Friday. I may be only working half days, but it still felt like a long week. It's amazing how a six and a half week absence can change your perceptive about your work week. Or maybe it's just my prescriptions.

On the plus side the half days at work have been great for my writing. I've been pushing to write 4,000 words a day, which for me is REALLY good. Dysfunction Junction is shaping up well and I feel good about the way the plot lines are falling together. I've been praying really hard that the words would come in a way that would make sense and praise God, they have been.

I think I let this book get the best of me before I ever even started. Somehow it just seemed so complicated in my head. There is so many things that have to be included and tie together so they make sense. The book in my head just seemed impossible for me to write. Plus there is a lot of personal experience tied into this book. Not specific events really, just lessons I've learned. Feeling I've experienced first hand and decided would be best served with openness and honesty.

Jeez, reading this makes my little Chick lit sound like the next great American novel, and I'm sure it's not. But I am finding that it's not as scary to write as I thought it would be. I will say, that each book I've written has been a creature all it's own. I mistakenly thought that once I had one book under my belt, all the rest would fall write into place with out any trouble because I already knew how to write a book. I was wrong. The books haven't been harder to write, and I have learned a lot to improve the process, but each book pulls me down a different emotional path and they've each required a slightly different process to complete. I can see why writer's consider their works as children. Not only have they invested blood, sweat and tears in them, but they each are unique.

I may or may not get an agent this go round, but I can't help but feel that finishing this book is going to change my writing career. Maybe only because I learned that I can do the scary and survive.

A.

Mouths open wide - just in case

Song Stuck on the Brain: A Man by Alanis Morissette. Don't know why. Probably heard it on the radio. It's got strange lyrics, but the melody is really catchy.

Went for another bandage change today on my incision. Doc says it's looking good. Still can't give me an exact time frame for when I'll be all healed up, but I'm still hoping to be free of the Wound Vac by Thanksgiving. I'd like to ring in my 30th with some freedom.

After the doctor's visit, Mom, Dad and I stopped for lunch at Taco Bell. I still can't drive, so they're chauffeuring me to the hospital clinic. Anyway, it's funny how the weirdest things from your childhood can jump up and grab you when you least expect it.

When I was really little, maybe 4 or so, we were sitting down as a family to eat. There was a big group of us, and so sometimes it took a little while to get everyone settled so a blessing could be said over the food. Well, I guess I forgot and took a bite of something. Mom said, "Wait a minute we haven't said a prayer yet."

I slapped a hand over my mouth with an 'oops' and felt really ashamed. Mom said, "Don't worry, just open your mouth while we pray and God will bless what you've already swallowed."

I know this was a joke. She was just teasing me. I knew it then, I know it now. But I remember keeping my mouth open anyway, just in case.

Today, I started eating my taco and Dad says to Mom, "Do you want to bless it?"

I was 4 all over again. I 'oopsed' and waited for them to bless it - and doggone it if I didn't have the most compelling urge to keep my mouth open just in case.

When I told Mom and Dad they just laughed. Mom didn't even remember saying it.

So strange the things that you remember clearly.

A.

Is there an agent in my future?

Song Stuck on the Brain: Do you know the Muffin Man?


I was released from the hospital on Monday October 1st. Spent one day at my parents and then, finally, got to come home. YAY! I took a week at home to get my bearings with the intention of going back to work part time the following Monday (8th).

My first day back at work wasn't too bad. I was tired, but sure I'd be in the next day with no trouble. That was until I woke up at 4:30 am Tuesday on a Tilt -a Whirl. I have never experienced dizzy like that before. It was so bad it felt like the two halves of my brain were being ripped apart by centrifugal force. Oh yeah, and then there was the vomiting. I won't elaborate.

Short of it is, I ended up in the ER, concerned it might be a complication from the surgery. Good news is that it's not related to the surgery. Bad news is it's Vertigo and I got another prescription. One more that has the power to knock me out cold. Needless to say, I haven't been able to go back to work again. I'm aiming for tomorrow afternoon as long as all goes well. The dizziness has improved a great deal.

As for really good news, I was notified by email on Tuesday that I have an agent interested in seeing the full manuscript for my inspiration chick lit novel Dysfunction Junction. I've got a month to finish it up and send it out. I swear I screamed out loud when I read the email. It's positively thrilling and terribly scary all at the same time.

I know that a request for a full MS doesn't guarantee a contract, nor does a contract with an agent guarantee a sale. However, this is still a big step forward and it will be exciting to see where it goes. Ultimately it's in God's hands and that's the best place for it to be anyway.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and well wishes. I appreciate you all so much.

A.

P.S. If you haven't entered the contest to win 2 books by Chris Well, be sure to enter today by clicking the book covers at the top of the sidebar. Contest ends at midnight on October 31, 2007. Good luck!

Hug your pet

Song Stuck on the Brain: Be Kind To Your Webfooted Friends

Total Days in Hospital: 28

I'm getting hints that I may get to go home this weekend. I'm trying to not get my hopes too high, but it's hard. I'm SOOO excited by the thought of getting out of here.

I think I miss Jack the most. His furry little face, his baby blue eyes.... My nephew took pics of him wearing my nieces' cheetah ears and sent them to me. Look how adorable - and annoyed - he looks.

Hug your pet today,
A.

Peanut Butter and....

Song Stuck on the Brain: Hello Goodbye

Day 20 in the hospital:

Well, at least for this stay. I was here five days the first time, so I'm closer to a full month.

It's raining today, which I'm actually excited about. I love storms, and I can't really hear them very well inside my room. So, I'll probably wander out to the covered patio area today so I can enjoy the rain for a little while.

Ugh, I'm watching a cooking segment on the news and they're showing new ways to make a peanut butter sandwich. She just made a PB and BACON sandwich. Yuck. I don't think I could do that. PB and Marshmallow fluff, or bananas, or even PB and Pickles or Tomatoes. Just not bacon.

Actually, I would love a PB and Dill pickle on wheat right now. Hospital food sucks.

See ya tomorrow,
A.

Update

Hello, my blogger friends. I've missed you all so much! It's just been killing me to be offline for so long.

Update on my Sitch: I'm still in the hospital. Going on a total of three weeks in and one week out between stays. I was re-admitted to the hospital because my incision wasn't healing properly. I'm doing okay, but I'm possibly looking at several more weeks in here.

So what brought on all this medical leave? A tumor the size of a basketball that was wrapped around my right ovary. Now it's gone, we know it's benign and it's just a matter of healing. I do have a picture of the tumor, so at some point I'll post a link so that those interested can see it. It's very interesting.

In some good news, I made it as one of the 4 finalists in the Inspy chick lit contest I entered. Now it's more waiting to see who won.

I'm so far behind on this blog, and I will try to get caught up soon. Don't give up on me yet, I'm finally on an uphill swing. :)

Keeping the Faith and trying to be Joyful in the Journey,
A.