Answers from Heaven

Song Stuck on the Brain: Dare You to Move by Switchfoot


I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas with your family and friends. I did, in fact I think this was the best Christmas I've had in a long time. No stress, no family drama. Just fun, fellowship and family.

This was our third Christmas without Dad, and although we still think of him often and miss him, our joy in his being at peace makes it easier to deal with those moments when we miss him most.

As a reminder of that, I felt lead to write down an experience I had shortly after Dad died and submit it to a local, church published magazine that shares those testimonies with people all over the world. After emailing it to the editor, I felt like I should share it here as well for any who need a reminder that Jesus is alive today, He loves us, and still actively moves in our lives.

“It’s cancer.” Dad sits upright in the hospital bed, his yellow skin an odd contrast to the white sheets. Jaundice is just one of the many physical signs that his body is broken.

My sisters, Judy and Angel, and I surround the end of his bed and listen while Mom and Dad repeat the doctor’s news. There’s a tumor in the duct between his liver and gallbladder, hidden from all scans until now. After several years of unexplained illness and numerous tests, they found the answer, only it’s too late to do anything. The doctors don't think he has long to live.

As I hear the news that in all rights should have devastated me, instead I feel a deep calm and the words run through my mind, “Everything is going to be okay.” And I knew they were true. We would pray and hope for a healing, but if in the end God called Dad home, it would still be okay. God would take care of us.

One month to the day after hearing the news, our family found ourselves gathered around Dad’s hospice bed. He had quickly slipped from conversation just a few hours earlier to being unable to speak. We each said goodnight, kissed his whiskered cheek and told him how much we loved him. Then, before going to our own home, my sisters and I joined Mom in prayer. Each asking for God’s blessing on Dad that night and giving him over to the arms of Jesus; if it was Dad’s time to go, no one wanted to hold him back from joining his Savior.

Angel and I went home and within a few hours received a call from Mom. Dad had gone peacefully in his sleep. We grieved and we rejoiced. Dad’s greatest desire was to be a part of Zion , to see the evil of this world put away so we could all share together in the loving presence of Jesus. Now he was where he could be happiest, he was no longer ill and could once again take up his ministry from the other side.

We all had many testimonies that came with Dad’s passing, more than I have room to share here, but one in particular stands above the rest for me. About a month after Dad died, on a Saturday afternoon, I went to take a nap. I dreamed that I was sitting in my living room and Dad was sitting across from me. He looked good, much as I remembered him when I was younger, his full beard and hair were red once again. He was dressed in his usual style, plaid dress shirt and suspenders with slacks.

I looked at him with surprise, “Dad?” Excitement flooded through me. “Are you happy?”
“Yes,” Dad assured me.
“What’s it like, can you tell me all about it?”
“No, but you’re going to love it when you get here.” Dad smiled.
“Will we see you again?” I wondered in my heart if this would be the only time for me to see him.
“Yes.” I knew in my heart that Dad’s assurance was true.

I awoke shortly after and was so excited I immediately went to find Angel and tell her. I described our conversation.
“It’s odd that my first question was if he was happy.” I mused. “Of course he’s happy. He’s with Jesus, why wouldn’t he be?”

Angel agreed. In fact, for weeks we had talked about how Dad would finally be able to see the libraries of heaven and learn about all the things that he was so curious about. That was Dad, always curious, always looking for answers and knowledge about everything.

The following day, we joined Mom and the rest of the family at her house for Sunday lunch. Afterward, I told Mom about my dream. She was quiet for a while, and then shared what had happened the night before. Saturday night, she was feeling lonely and sad, really missing Dad. She spent some time reading her scriptures, and before going to sleep, she told God, “If I could just know he was happy, that would help.”

I was amazed and excited. That explained my first question. It wasn’t for me, it was for Mom. God sent her answer on Saturday afternoon, hours before she prayed and asked her question. It was a comfort to all of us and I was reminded once again, that everything is going to be okay. God is truly amazing in His love for his children.

(I was not paid to have this published, it's strictly for ministry.)

Apple Juice Anyone?

I watched my great nephew Brock on Friday. He's almost 8 months old. He was drinking cold apple juice and making these funny faces. I thought I'd share. :)

Things Our Father Taught Us

Song Stuck on the Brain: Behold the Kingdom by Brother John. (Dad's favorite song.)

Thank you all so much for your prayers and kind words. Shortly after I wrote the post asking for prayers, my father passed away. It has been a very busy and emotional time for all of our family, so this post is a little slow in coming.

His service was very touching. We wanted it to center on praising God and showing Dad's love for his Savior and the gospel. I wrote an essay on behalf of me and my siblings to be read during the service. I've included it below. Dad was a very special man.

Things Our Father Taught Us

Dad taught us many things in his lifetime. He was a great father with a big heart and a love for God that kept our family strong.

He Taught Us To Laugh

Anyone who knew Dad knew his sense of humor. He knew when to be serious and when to focus on ministry and comfort, but he could also find the funny even when it didn’t seem possible. He passed that ability on to all of us.

There was the ever present ‘Daddy Joke’. The bad pun or silly joke he made up on the spot that made us all groan and chuckle at the same time. He liked to take words and mix them up just to make us giggle. Dad never missed an opportunity to make a silly face or crack a joke, and yet he was never hurtful or mean in what he said. Dad loved to make people laugh, to lighten their hearts and see them smile.

He Taught Us To Dream Big

Dad was a dreamer. He always had a new idea or a new plan to create something great. He enjoyed photography and had a good eye for the beauty in everything around him. Dad would take pictures of everything and we have the photo albums to prove it. He started as a photographer and later worked as a photo lab technician. He followed his dream, and passed his love of photography on to the rest of us. He was a great teacher.

Dad had many hobbies. He loved knives and wanted to learn to make his own. So he did. He wanted to learn locksmithing, so he went back to school and got his license. Dad’s dreaming didn’t always become reality, but that never stopped his imagination. He used that same ability to dream big, to encourage all of us. There was never a time when Dad said, “That’s too big or too hard, find something else to do.” He believed in us and encouraged every dream we had. If sometimes we failed, he’d encourage us to find a new dream and keep going. There was always some way for us to serve God with our talents and he reminded us of that often.

He Taught Us To Always Be Prepared

For someone who was never a boy scout, he took their motto, always be prepared, to heart. He always wore shirts with two pockets, because he needed all the room to carry his gear. All his pockets were full and he had at least seven pocket knives on him at all times. They were different sizes with different blades, and there was always a Swiss army knife with tools included. Why carry so many? Because each knife would serve a different purpose and you never know when you would need them. For Christmas and birthdays he often received pocket gear. Anything pocket sized intrigued him. A mini flashlight or magnifying glass; a tiny measuring tape or screw driver, every new item was added to his pockets.

We teased him about his pocket gear, but if you ever needed anything, you could count on Dad to have something in his pockets that could do the job. As one friend said, “If there was a flood, I’d want to be around Duane Erwin. I bet he would have an inflatable raft in his pocket.”

He carried that need to be prepared into all areas of his life and not just for this physical world. He taught us to be prepared for tribulations that would come, and for Zion’s return. All of life is a challenge and preparation is key.

He Taught Us To Be Curious

Dad had an insatiable curiosity. He wanted to know how things worked. From the inside of a car, to inventions old and knew. He read voraciously. He loved magazines and books, fiction or non fiction, they were all exciting. His curiosity brought him knowledge. Some people know a lot about one or two things, Dad knew a little bit about everything. If you had a question about how to do something, chances were good that Dad knew enough to help you through.

He loved science and nature and his curiosity drove him to understand it better. Many conversations revolved around how God created things so intricately. He wanted to understand the mystery behind everything. Space and astronomy, biology and botany, electricity and magnetism; it all fascinated him. In turn it opened our minds to the miracles in creation and the world around us. He encouraged us to seek truth and answers to our own questions, simply by example.

He Taught Us To Have Faith

Dad’s faith was very strong and it grew everyday. We all grew up hearing the testimonies that he and Mom had over the years. Prayer was important in all areas of life and miracles were to be expected.

Once, when we were attending Center Branch, he was helping a friend repair a wheel chair lift. By accident, the lift was activated and Dad’s foot was pulled between the concrete step and the metal platform. With less than the width of a pencil, Dad’s foot was crushed and rolled between them. It only took seconds and they quickly pulled Dad’s foot free. Across the top, his toes were black. The elders administered to him and the blackness went away. Not a bone was broken. What should have removed his foot completely didn’t harm a bone.

There were healings and blessings to be found at all times. If we were sick or upset, scared or hurt, Dad’s prayers and faith always made us stronger. It was a gift that God blessed him with and he used it well.

He Taught Us To Trust

With great faith comes great trust. Dad learned to trust God for all of life’s needs. As newlyweds, he and Mom often were down to their last dollar with no more money in sight. God always provided when asked. One testimony they often shared was of a time early in their marriage. They were renting a trailer. The rent was due that day and they had no money to pay it. With no idea of how they would keep their home, they decided to take a drive and put it in God’s hands. Finally they returned to the trailer with no clear answer in mind. They opened the locked trailer door and there on the floor was a sealed envelope with their names written on the front. Opening it, they found exactly enough money to pay the rent. Shocked they tried to figure out who had left the money and how they’d gotten it into the trailer. They tried sliding it under the door, but it sealed too tight. They tried the window slats, but nothing they tried would land the envelope any where near the same spot. It was clear to them that God put the money there to not only provide for them, but to show that they could always trust him to provide and protect.

Mom and Dad were foster parents and there always seemed to be at least six of us kids in the house at all times. Money was often tight. They never let that stop them. Somehow there was always enough to provide, whether it was food left by a church friend that said God told them we were in need, or money given anonymously at just the right moment. Sometimes the blessings weren’t seen immediately, but we always knew that even if we didn’t understand the reasons, God had a plan and we could trust that His plan was best.

He Taught Us To Love

Some people say blood is thicker than water. Mom and Dad never believed that. They fostered more than 28 children during their marriage and loved every one, no matter how difficult it might be. Because of their love, they expanded their family, their home and their hearts. Love is taught by example and they continued to love and support anyone that God placed in their home.

There was never any doubt that Dad would do anything for his children, whether they were his by birth, by adoption, or by love. He stood up for us, protected us, and never, ever failed to love us. Sometimes it felt like love and faith were all that held us together, but it was enough. He taught us to love our family, our friends, and the gospel. More than anything else, he taught us to love our Savior Jesus with all our hearts.

He Taught Us To Hope

Dad studied his scriptures regularly, often looking up the meaning of words to find the greater understanding. Hope is a word used as a form of wishing today, but Dad found that the archaic form was to put one’s trust in something greater. He knew that hope was putting your trust in Jesus.

His greatest hope was in seeing God’s kingdom return to earth. He wanted to see his Savior and walk with him through the streets of Zion. Many times he would talk about how evil the world had become and how he longed for Zion to come soon. His hope and prayers for Zion guided his life and in turn, ours. He showed us that despite our determination to keep our covenant, we often fail. The hope that we find in God’s mercy and forgiveness is a gift like no other. Dad clung to that gift and taught us all to keep hope alive in our hearts.

We could not have asked for a better earthly father. He was a simple man that allowed his heart and his life to reflect our Heavenly Father every day. And because of all that our father taught us, we know that we will never be fatherless. Dad taught us that no matter where we are in life, we have a Father in Jesus and he will never leave us alone.

Thanks, Dad; your lessons will never be forgotten.

Dad and I in 1978

Dad in 2007

A.

Nana, where do they go?

Song Stuck on the Brain: Take Back the City by Snow Patrol


I suppose I should have a Hannah Montana song stuck on the Brain since I bought it this weekend too. I gave it to my niece Emily who is the biggest 'Hannah Matanna' (as she says) fan I've seen yet. While her mom and my other sister and I all went to take care of some chores, Emily stayed with Nana and listened to her new CD. (Nana wasn't all that excited by it, but Emily loved it.)

After the CD was done, they took it out and put it back in it's case. Emily turns to Nana and says, "Where do the people go when it's all over?"

"What do you mean?" Nana asks.

"When the music is done, where do the people go? Do they just freeze until you play it again?" She strikes a pose, hands in the air and freezes, eyes wide open.

"No." Nana says chuckling. "It's just a recording of their voices. They're not really in the CD Player. They recorded it a long time ago and you're just hearing their voices."

"Oh." Emily pauses, concentrating on the idea. "So when you watch tv and the show is over, where do those people go?"

Giving up, Nana replies. "They just go home."

Mom told me this story tonight and I couldn't help but crack up. Emily is six and in Kindergarten. She's not stupid, but sometimes I wonder if her blonde roots run a little deeper than some.

Of course I'm not blonde, and I have stories of my own, so what's my excuse right? :)

She's just to darn cute for her own good. I think she really liked the idea that 'Hannah Matanna' lived in her CD player and TV. I love this age when imagination is still so vivid and alive. I hate to see it fade as the kids get older. It's just so precious.

The Squishy Love Language

Song Stuck on the Brain: Forever in Blue Jeans by Jason Castro (from A.I.)

Have any of you ever read the 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman? It's a FANTASTIC book. I highly recommend it - for all your relationships.

The basic concept is that each person has a main love language, one that speaks to them more clearly than any other. It could be Physical Touch (not specifically sexual), Deeds of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, or Gifts.

Recently, I've been trying to identify my nieces and nephews love languages. They're getting older now, and I think speaking their language will be important in keeping our family connections strong.

I'm pretty sure I have them all pegged, but last night, 6 yr old Emily proved me right in a big way.

Emily's love language is physical touch. If she's near you, she's hugging you, leaning against you, holding your hand, etc. She must be in physical contact to feel loved. I know she gets plenty of this from her mama, and Nana and Papa and the rest of us, too. But last night she cracked me up. I was at Mom and Dad's for a family study class. We had just ended and Emily came and stood in front of me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me. Laying against the front of me she sighed, "I love you."

"I love you to, Sweetie." I rub her back and hold her while the rest of us continue to talk.
"You give the best hugs." Emily says smiling at me and squeezing again.
"Is it because I'm nice and squishy?" I tease.
"Mmm-Hmm."
Silence for a few minutes as she continues to hug me.
"I wish you were my mom." She mumbles into my shirt.
Surprised, I reply, "No you don't. You have a great Momma. I make a better aunt."
"Yeah, but your squishier than mom. You feel good and you always smell good too." She snuggled in again and I couldn't help it. I laughed.

It's nice to know I'm good for something. :)

A.

Power Windows

Song Stuck on the Brain: Benny and the Jets by Elton John

I went to see 27 Dresses with Angel and Lindz for Lindz' Bday. (Happy Birthday, Girlfriend) Great movie, and the Benny and the Jets reference will make total sense once you see the movie.

I haven't talked much about my dad before, but a friend sent me a video that was so 'Dad' that I just had to share it.

Dad has been nicknamed Inspector Gadget. He loves things that fit in your pocket. Knives, flashlights, pens, magnifiers, retractable magnets, tools.... etc. At church, everyone knows that if you need something, check with my dad. Chances are he has at least one in his pocket. If it's a knife you need, he has seven. He was even accused of having an inflatable life raft, but that's totally not true. They don't make those pocket size yet. He does however have a filter straw that allows you to bend over and drink straight from a lake. Angel got him that for Christmas. He loves it.

Dad's a great fixer too. He likes to MacGyver things (oh, that's his hero by the way.) He's a survivalist and a packrat at heart and has a use for everything. Someday he'll use those 3,000 plastic newspaper bags he's saved, and he'll probably save all our lives at the same time. So when I saw this video, it was just too perfect. I'm surprised Dad hasn't tried this yet for himself.

A.