Maybe...

Song Stuck on the Brain: Smack That by Akon feat. Eminem. Ugh. I really hate this song. My nephew has it as his ring back song so I had to listen to it when I called him. Now it's Stuck in my head. Just the chorus... smack that, all on the floor, smack that, give me some more, smack that, 'till you get sore... Ugh. That's not lyrics, it's garbage.

Speaking of lyrics, my 24 hour mope ended at 11pm last night and in honor of that I wrote lyrics to a new song. No accompaniment yet, just words. I suppose to the lyricist the words have meaning, so Akon or whoever wrote that song probably doesn't think the lyrics are garbage.

My new lyrics have personal meaning to me, but who knows? Maybe the rest of the world would think my lyrics are ridiculous. For that matter, six months from now, I may come back and read my new song and think, "OMG, this is terrible." Funny how time gives you perspective. I have a lot of songs that I look back on and cringe. I keep them in my folder though just to show myself how bad it can get.

This new song kind of stemmed from an old crush from eons ago (at least it seems that long). I know I'm over him, but it seems like whenever something goes wrong in my life and I feel just the least bit emotionally vulnerable, I dream about him. Which totally unnerves me for the rest of the next day. I'm sure there's a psychological reason for it, but I'm beginning to think that trying to untangle my psyche would just be too scary. Better to leave it alone.

Anyway, here are the new lyrics. The song is called Maybe.

Maybe
©April Erwin
1/30/07

I thought I’d put you away
Like a dark secret no one should see
Hid all my thoughts of love
Told the world I was finally free.
But here you come again
Strolling through my dreams like you belong.
I wake with a heart that’s blue
And I realize I was wrong.

Maybe you’ll change your mind
Maybe you’ll come back to me
Maybe you’re really the one
But maybe’s a long time to see.

It’s usually the lonely days
When my world seems to fall apart,
Days when I hurt the most
That I dig down deep in my heart.
Unconsciously I find the seed
Of hope that I’ve hidden away.
Hope that time was all we lacked
And someday you’ll come home to stay.

Maybe you’ll change your mind
Maybe you’ll come back to me
Maybe you’re really the one
But maybe’s a long time to see.

Hours roll into days
And days into years
And still I’m holding on
But dreams like this can’t live
In the bright light of day
It’s time that hope was gone.

Maybe you’ll change your mind
Maybe you’ll come back to me
Maybe you’re really the one
But maybe’s a long time to see.

This would be the rough draft version. A lot of times the phrasing or rhythm changes when the music comes.

I suppose it doesn't really matter whether the song is caca or not. It did something for me. It allowed me to purge something I was feeling and it prodded my creative center to write something after it's confidence was bruised. In fact, the song will probably never see the recording booth, but it turned my juices back on and now I'm already mulling over a short story I'd like to finish.

Maybe this old crush was worth something after all...

A.

Reminder... Don't forget to enter the contest to win a copy of my first book Missing Pieces and the puzzle key chains. Enter by clicking the link at the top of the sidebar. Winners will be announced February 1, 2007. Good luck!