Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Another year older...
As of 6:20 tonight, I will officially be another year older. It feels strange to be 28, but more in the sense of actually saying the number than feeling any older. To be honest I don’t really feel any older than I did 10 or even 20 years ago. Does that seem strange?
To me it seems like our souls are born one age, and no matter how old your body is, your soul always feels and sees thing from a certain maturity. I’ve been told I have an old soul, and I guess in a way that’s kind of true. I have always been ‘mature for my age’ as so many like to say. But at heart I think I’ll always be 17. In fact, I’m more of a teenager now, then when I WAS a teenager.
I did the responsible thing in school, got the 4.0, did Student Council and never tee-pee’d or forked anyone’s yards. (Although I know a few who did.) At the time I would have been terrified of getting caught, terrified that I would disappoint someone and be thought of badly. Somewhere along the line, after I graduated, that suddenly didn’t seem like such a big deal. I mean, I don’t want to disappoint my loved ones or be thought of badly, but I suddenly don’t care so much about image. I freely admit to being a boy band lover – especially N’Sync, I’ve seen them in concert five times in five different states. I like being silly and spontaneous with my friends and I don’t censor every thing that pops into my head before I say it. (That may or may not be a good thing, but it’s the truth.)
In short, I let myself have fun. Safe fun - but fun none the less. I’m more daring now too. As a kid, I always chose truth over dare, but now days; I might just take that dare.
I think what changed for me was my view of life. I suddenly saw it for all its exciting possibilities and experiences. Opportunities that had to be taken or lost forever. I discovered that fear should be a motivator to change, not a shackle to contain. That pushing beyond your fears and expanding your horizons is exhilarating and fulfilling beyond belief.
I still have all the same emotions and feelings from 20 years ago, but if anything, these years have given me a different perspective on life. Here’s hoping it only gets better.